How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
