my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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