I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
