Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
