Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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