So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
