Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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