You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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