i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
