so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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