i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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