hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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