My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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