She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
