addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
