Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize