Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
