Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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