Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
