I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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