Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
