someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
