she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
