Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
