Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
