speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
