when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
