Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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