I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
