Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I enjoy the company of your penis
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