I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
