We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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