Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
