dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize