Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
