you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
it's like heaven, but drunker
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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