The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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