Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
