My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
