have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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