so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
How's work?
Spinning.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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