Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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