I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize