If that was your dad, he is hot
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
