So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
