I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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