Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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