just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
