Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
