i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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