and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize