i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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