I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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