New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
