This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize