You work out of a Hotel?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
