Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
