4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize