just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
