Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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