I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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