omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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