yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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