My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
