It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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