An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize
