I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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