Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
