I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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