I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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