hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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