You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
