I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Omg I joined a choir last night...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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