I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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