i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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