my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
