If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
