: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
