I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
