Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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