so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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